Deja Fuckin' Vu

Let's keep it real simple to start here: WWGRD (1-5) came into this matchup against another one of the league's top teams, The Big Rigs,  and to get to the good parts we'll set the scene as it's 7-0 for the Big Rigs and WWGRD is on the Powerplay. No, that's not a typo, it actually was 7-0 before anything good actually happened for WWGRD in this game. Phil Kessel, who looked noticeably thicker than last game, was working the puck down low in the corner when Dylan Berthiaume came in to help out. The kid got it loose before sliding it back to the point to the rarely seen Doug "Don't Call Me Dean" Lambier. Lambier is one of WWGRD's biggest weapon's on the PP, and he made the most of his second appearance of the season. He walked in and stepped into a clap that tickled twine the way his mustache tickles the hearts of all of WWGRD's female fans. Douggie fought every fibre of his body and managed to hold his celly to half a fist pump for the 7-1 goal.
Douggie's goal from the back end was a sign of things to come from WWGRD's blueliners. Working the puck in the zone once again, a Mike Brown look-alike got the puck back to Ryan Boutette at the point. Booter held the puck, looking for a pass before calling his own number and snippin some top cheddar on a snapper from up top. Don't call it a comeback, but the lead was down to five. Apparently the Big Rigs scored again, but no one really gave a fuck because they were truly in for a treat with what was about to happen next...
The heart and soul of WWGRD in this game, Dan DiCarlo, picked up the puck and started to carry it up ice. Knowing full well that he possesses a rocket of a clap that could put their tendy in the hospital until the new year, all the Big Rigs defenders were stepping up on the big bodied DiCarlo to take away any shooting room. Not fazed by this, DiCarlo proceeded to dangle through the team so magically that it almost seemed to be happening in slow motion. After finishing off the free dangling clinic with a spin that would put most ballerinas to shame, DiCarlo looked off two open teammates before going bar deezy on a helpless Big Rigs tendy. It was a shining moment in the steamy pile of shit that was the game that WWGRD played last night.
The game also featured a couple injuries, one on each team. With the puck just outside of the zone, a Big Rigs player ripped a DiCarlo-like clap into the zone that Josh Covelli flashed some leather on. It was a 10 outta 10 save by the kid, but he blew up his finger on the play. WWGRD got some revenge when with the last minute ticking off the clock Hero McSnipeshow on Big Rigs tried to Kenny Wu his way through three WWGRD defenders. He got introduced to the brick wall that is Eric Bauer, and this brick wall was holding a twig that the kid took right in the gut. Gotta feel like it was an avoidable injury if you simply ease off the gas a bit and maybe don't go 139% in an the last seconds of an 8-3 dub.
"We faught hard out there, but the bounces weren't going our way," Doug Lambier said to the media following the game, which was his first appearance since 'Nam. "We gotta get more shots on their tendy, we got three goals on her and we barely even tested her." He then went on to address some of the issues in the other zones, adding "We gotta tighten up our defense in our own zone and gotta get the puck out first. We got scrambling at times and that's when we lost control." As he was peeling out of the parking lot, Sheldon Tracey was heard letting the media know, "Eh if we play these guys 10 times, maaaaybe they win one." WWGRD gets a lengthy break before hitting the ice again on Friday, November 30th to take on the amazingly originally named "Scoregasms." Puck drop will be at 1pm as the boys in blue will be looking to give their fans something to celly about going into the Christmas Break.

 

 

1st Star - Dan DiCarlo - 1 Bar-Down Snipe

 



2nd Star - Mike Brown - 2 Assists
 

3rd Star - Douggie Lambier - 1 PP Gino, 1 Sweet 'Stache

WWGRD Can't Crack Ice Cold Cruisers

The Ice Cold Cruisers came into their matchup with WWGRD sitting in first place with a 4-0 record, facing a team that was more than just a few spots back and sitting at 1-4. The boys in blue knew that it would take an especially big effort given their short bench of only 9 skaters. The Cruisers got off to an expected 1-0 start as a hard, low shot beat Johnny Tracey blocker side. Luckily, WWGRD was given a powerplay after a hard-working shift caused an extremely undisciplined Cruisers team to take a penalty. After a dump in by the Cruisers, A-Cap Sheldon Tracey rang the puck along the boards to fill-in Phil Kessel, who chipped it up to Captain Marc Berthiaume. Berthiaume took a couple steps over the line and cut in before letting a shot go towards the net that hit a twig and found the back of the net. Just like that WWGRD was back in the game as it was all squared at 1s.

Before WWGRD knew what the fuck was going on, it was 4-1 and they were in a three goal hole. Since there was still time left on the clock the boys figured, what the hell, we should keep playing. A-Cap Seaner Micelli showed that he was given the letter for more than just his flow, as he stepped up and popped a geno to pull the boys back within two. Brandon "The Pance" Pancerny slid a Pancerny over to Michelli who cut to the middle and ripped a shot back glove side. The power of this booming shot was just way too much for the tendy to handle, as it popped outta his glove and trickled into the cage. Like all of WWGRD's comeback attempt this year, it was short fuckin lived, as the Cruisers burried another to extend the lead back to 5-2.

With the puck in the Crusiers zone and WWGRD looking to battle back, Eric Bauer moved it over to Sean Micelli on the half board who then flipped a sauce back to Booter at the point. Boutette put everything he had into a slap shot that came so hot off the stick the goalie couldn't even locate it. Actually... the reason the tendy couldn't see the puck was because Booter whiffed on it and the puck fluttered over the lost tendy and into the net. Apparently the Cruisers scored again after that, as the final was 6-3, making the 5th loss of the season for WWGRD.

After the game the Cruisers were eager to make sure that a blog entry was written about the game as they showed off their amazing creativity and originality by becoming the 6th team we've played against to mention the blog. By running their mouths after beating a less talented team they were expected to beat, the Ice Cold Cruisers also displayed their amazing class and humility.

"It seemed like every time we got one behind their tendy they had a response, its tough to play catchup against a squad like that," Sean Micelli said as he addressed the media after the game. "Although the final score read 6-3, I think the game was a lot closer than that." WWGRD hits the ice again Tuesday, November 20th at 11pm. With a much fuller roster than they've had in previous matchups, look for them to have a good showing against the Big Rigs.

 



1st Star - Sheldon Tracey - 2 Assists



2nd Star - Sean Micelli - 1 Goal, 1 Assist

 

3rd Star - Phil Kessel - 1 Assist

 

WWGRD Drowned by Old Milwaukees

A desperate WWGRD team rolled into action against the Old Milwaukees on Tuesday night, looking to avoid a 1-4 start to the season. WWGRD got behind early as they've become accustomed to this season, as they spotted the Old Milwaukees a 2-0 lead early after a trickler squeaked through Johnny Tracey and some other bullshit goal I don't remember. WWGRD answered back on a rush lead by Seaner Micelli, who by his own admission had his best game to date on Tuesday. He put his silky flow and mitts to work as he weaved through a couple defenders before sliding the puck over to a streaking Marc Berthiaume. Cap'n Crunch threw a hard, low shot at the net that bounced right out to the slot, and the hard-workin' vet Mark Micelli was right in position to pump home the rebound, pullin’ WWGRD back within 1.

Before WWGRD knew what the fuck was going on, it was 4-1 and they were out of the game once again. Two grizzled ol' vets combined to bring the boys in blue back in to the game, as the '89 influence of Booter and Mark Micelli roared its head. With the puck at the blueline, Mark Micelli got all up in the defenders grill and caused him to cough the puck up and he managed to get the loose puck to Ryan Boutette who was flying up the ice. Booter entered the zone on a 2-on-1 with Cap'n Crunch, but decided to take a shot when the defender took away the passing lane. This proved to be the right decision as he pumped the rubber by the blocker of the Old Milwaukee tendy, giving the boys hope once again.

Obviously, the Old Milwaukees had another fucking response for that, and made it 5-2 before the boys on the bench could even sit back down. This just pissed off WWGRD, who continued to pressure the Old Milwalks and attempt to stay in the game. With the puck along the boards, Booter pinched down and kept the puck in the zone and slid it down to the corner to Cappy Marc Berthiaume. The WWGRD Cappy didn't really see much, but he saw the shimmering glow of Seaner's flow in front of the net so he forced a pass out front that Micelli somehow managed to jam passed the tendy to pull the boys back within 2 again. This proved to be too little, too late as the Old Milwaukees scored two more before the buzzer went and mercifully ended the game with a 7-3 score.

Mark Micelli, who had another multi-point performance, talked to the media after the game, saying "We have had a tough schedule so far and I think the silence in the room after our devastating loss on Halloween night says it all. Right now everyone's gripping their sticks a little tighter trying not to fuck up, but I think the key for us is to stay loose and string together a few wins."

WWGRD hits the ice next Friday, and the media and fans are starting to worry when/if WWGRD will be able to turn this sinking ship around. "There's plenty of time to turn this shit around, I don't know what all this media panic is about," Captain Marc Berthiaume said to a reporter on the street early Wednesday morning. "We've played 5 fucking games, there's more than three quarters of the season left, not to mention every fucking team makes the playoffs. Give your fucking head a shake before you bombard me like this next time bud." Witnesses then claimed to hear the smashing of a tape recorder and a body hit the ground before seeing Berthiaume fleeing the scene. Puck drop is scheduled for 1pm against the Ice Cold Cruisers. The first 7,500 fans will receive replica movember mustaches of WWGRD players such as Sean Micelli, Douggy Lambier, and the Berthiaume-brother handle bars.

 

 

1ST STAR - Ryan Boutette - 1 Goal, 1 Assist

2ND STAR - Sean Micelli - 1 Goal, 1 Assist

3RD STAR - Mark Micelli - 1 Goal, 1 Assist

WWGRD Stumbles Against Sundance Kids

WWGRD was coming into action on Wednesday night on a high, fresh off their first win of the season and were looking to make it two straight as they squared up with the Sundance Kids. WWGRD had a slightly deeper bench then they had been playing with the last few games, as they were able to ice two defensive pairings and three full forward lines for the Halloween Matchup. The Sundance Kids carried the play early on, testing Johnny Tracey early, who was coming off his first career UWIHL shutout. WWGRD was only able to generate opportunities off the counter and weren't really able to sustain much offensive pressure in the first half, but reached the halfway point of the game at a 0-0 draw thanks to more stellar play from the Woodslee Wall.

The scoring was finally opened up in the second when once again a WWGRD was the beneficiary of a bullshit bounce to get the puck passed the team's All-Star net minder. As a puck trickled towards the net through a maze of bodies, a blindly-flailing twig deflected the rubber passed a helpless Tracey to put WWGRD in a 1-0 hole.

For the second straight game, Johnny
Tracey is WWGRD's POTG.

WWGRD knew that one shift could bring them right back in to this game, and they got that shift from the Micelli-Brothers feat. Booter. With the puck in their own zone, the younger Micelli worked the puck to Sheldon Tracey who them cooly chipped it out to a steaking Mark Micelli before joining the rush himself. The elder Micelli took the puck wide, driving around the Sundance defenders before tossing the puck into the slot. The pass from the corner hit the pinching defender Tracey who pumped the tying goal home. WWGRD had hope, and this line wasn't done. After forcing a turnover in the offensive zone, Booter kicked it down low to Magic Mark Micelli who got a couple whacks at the puck before A-cap Seaner Micelli pounced on a loose puck to give WWGRD the lead. The Bench erupted, but had no idea what misfortune was about to come their way...

The Sundance Kids carried the play from the time WWGRD took the lead, and the Woodslee Wall was doing everything he could to hold on to the lead. Despite Dylan Berthiaume muckin' his heart off and draping himself all over the Sundance forward, the puck made its wait out front and the puck was pumped passed a helpless JT to knot it at twos with 50 seconds left. Off the ensuing draw, WWGRD pressured and had the play in the offensive zone, but when those dancing fuckers got the puck, they could only watch as a cherry-pickin' piece of shit was sent in all alone. He took his time and beat the WWGRD tendy that was left to dry to give his team the lead with 4.2 seconds left and seal the win.

"Losses don't get much tougher to swallow than that," Captain Marc Berthiaume said after the game. "We didn't deserve to win that game at all, Johnny was the only reason this was even a contest out there, but we just took a steaming shit on the ice there in that last minute." Dan DiCarlo was also furious post game, adding "JT put the team on his spine that night and we let him down. I'll take full responsibility for the defensive collapse and guaruntee this won't happen again."

WWGRD hits the ice next week on Friday afternoon, which is the beginning of what some believe to be a conspiracy in the league office to fuck over the boys in blue. Everyone knows the Friday afternoon slots are just the worst, and somehow WWGRD got stuck with 4 straight. A formal complaint has been issued to the league in an attempt to ratify this issue, but the tentative puck drop for the game is 12:01 on Friday, November 9th. The first 1,500 fans through the gates get an Eric Bauer jersey-tee.