What Would Gary Roberts Blog: WWGRD Drowned by Old Milwaukees

A desperate WWGRD team rolled into action against the Old Milwaukees on Tuesday night, looking to avoid a 1-4 start to the season. WWGRD got behind early as they've become accustomed to this season, as they spotted the Old Milwaukees a 2-0 lead early after a trickler squeaked through Johnny Tracey and some other bullshit goal I don't remember. WWGRD answered back on a rush lead by Seaner Micelli, who by his own admission had his best game to date on Tuesday. He put his silky flow and mitts to work as he weaved through a couple defenders before sliding the puck over to a streaking Marc Berthiaume. Cap'n Crunch threw a hard, low shot at the net that bounced right out to the slot, and the hard-workin' vet Mark Micelli was right in position to pump home the rebound, pullin’ WWGRD back within 1.

Before WWGRD knew what the fuck was going on, it was 4-1 and they were out of the game once again. Two grizzled ol' vets combined to bring the boys in blue back in to the game, as the '89 influence of Booter and Mark Micelli roared its head. With the puck at the blueline, Mark Micelli got all up in the defenders grill and caused him to cough the puck up and he managed to get the loose puck to Ryan Boutette who was flying up the ice. Booter entered the zone on a 2-on-1 with Cap'n Crunch, but decided to take a shot when the defender took away the passing lane. This proved to be the right decision as he pumped the rubber by the blocker of the Old Milwaukee tendy, giving the boys hope once again.

Obviously, the Old Milwaukees had another fucking response for that, and made it 5-2 before the boys on the bench could even sit back down. This just pissed off WWGRD, who continued to pressure the Old Milwalks and attempt to stay in the game. With the puck along the boards, Booter pinched down and kept the puck in the zone and slid it down to the corner to Cappy Marc Berthiaume. The WWGRD Cappy didn't really see much, but he saw the shimmering glow of Seaner's flow in front of the net so he forced a pass out front that Micelli somehow managed to jam passed the tendy to pull the boys back within 2 again. This proved to be too little, too late as the Old Milwaukees scored two more before the buzzer went and mercifully ended the game with a 7-3 score.

Mark Micelli, who had another multi-point performance, talked to the media after the game, saying "We have had a tough schedule so far and I think the silence in the room after our devastating loss on Halloween night says it all. Right now everyone's gripping their sticks a little tighter trying not to fuck up, but I think the key for us is to stay loose and string together a few wins."

WWGRD hits the ice next Friday, and the media and fans are starting to worry when/if WWGRD will be able to turn this sinking ship around. "There's plenty of time to turn this shit around, I don't know what all this media panic is about," Captain Marc Berthiaume said to a reporter on the street early Wednesday morning. "We've played 5 fucking games, there's more than three quarters of the season left, not to mention every fucking team makes the playoffs. Give your fucking head a shake before you bombard me like this next time bud." Witnesses then claimed to hear the smashing of a tape recorder and a body hit the ground before seeing Berthiaume fleeing the scene. Puck drop is scheduled for 1pm against the Ice Cold Cruisers. The first 7,500 fans will receive replica movember mustaches of WWGRD players such as Sean Micelli, Douggy Lambier, and the Berthiaume-brother handle bars.