What Would Gary Roberts Blog: Deja Fuckin' Vu

Let's keep it real simple to start here: WWGRD (1-5) came into this matchup against another one of the league's top teams, The Big Rigs, and to get to the good parts we'll set the scene as it's 7-0 for the Big Rigs and WWGRD is on the Powerplay. No, that's not a typo, it actually was 7-0 before anything good actually happened for WWGRD in this game. Phil Kessel, who looked noticeably thicker than last game, was working the puck down low in the corner when Dylan Berthiaume came in to help out. The kid got it loose before sliding it back to the point to the rarely seen Doug "Don't Call Me Dean" Lambier. Lambier is one of WWGRD's biggest weapon's on the PP, and he made the most of his second appearance of the season. He walked in and stepped into a clap that tickled twine the way his mustache tickles the hearts of all of WWGRD's female fans. Douggie fought every fibre of his body and managed to hold his celly to half a fist pump for the 7-1 goal.
Douggie's goal from the back end was a sign of things to come from WWGRD's blueliners. Working the puck in the zone once again, a Mike Brown look-alike got the puck back to Ryan Boutette at the point. Booter held the puck, looking for a pass before calling his own number and snippin some top cheddar on a snapper from up top. Don't call it a comeback, but the lead was down to five. Apparently the Big Rigs scored again, but no one really gave a fuck because they were truly in for a treat with what was about to happen next...
The heart and soul of WWGRD in this game, Dan DiCarlo, picked up the puck and started to carry it up ice. Knowing full well that he possesses a rocket of a clap that could put their tendy in the hospital until the new year, all the Big Rigs defenders were stepping up on the big bodied DiCarlo to take away any shooting room. Not fazed by this, DiCarlo proceeded to dangle through the team so magically that it almost seemed to be happening in slow motion. After finishing off the free dangling clinic with a spin that would put most ballerinas to shame, DiCarlo looked off two open teammates before going bar deezy on a helpless Big Rigs tendy. It was a shining moment in the steamy pile of shit that was the game that WWGRD played last night.
The game also featured a couple injuries, one on each team. With the puck just outside of the zone, a Big Rigs player ripped a DiCarlo-like clap into the zone that Josh Covelli flashed some leather on. It was a 10 outta 10 save by the kid, but he blew up his finger on the play. WWGRD got some revenge when with the last minute ticking off the clock Hero McSnipeshow on Big Rigs tried to Kenny Wu his way through three WWGRD defenders. He got introduced to the brick wall that is Eric Bauer, and this brick wall was holding a twig that the kid took right in the gut. Gotta feel like it was an avoidable injury if you simply ease off the gas a bit and maybe don't go 139% in an the last seconds of an 8-3 dub.
"We faught hard out there, but the bounces weren't going our way," Doug Lambier said to the media following the game, which was his first appearance since 'Nam. "We gotta get more shots on their tendy, we got three goals on her and we barely even tested her." He then went on to address some of the issues in the other zones, adding "We gotta tighten up our defense in our own zone and gotta get the puck out first. We got scrambling at times and that's when we lost control." As he was peeling out of the parking lot, Sheldon Tracey was heard letting the media know, "Eh if we play these guys 10 times, maaaaybe they win one." WWGRD gets a lengthy break before hitting the ice again on Friday, November 30th to take on the amazingly originally named "Scoregasms." Puck drop will be at 1pm as the boys in blue will be looking to give their fans something to celly about going into the Christmas Break.