Bonos Burst WWGRD Season Debut

The boys in blue returned to the ice last night in UWIHL action as they opened up their season against the Pro Bonos. Fans packed Adie Knox arena to see the triumphant return of WWGRD and to get their first glimpse of the team's off-season acquisitions. The Bonos got off to a quick start, as a shot from the point snuck through a clusterfuck of bodies in front of the net and beat the screened Johnny Tracey in net. WWGRD turned to two of its top performers from last year, A-Cap Seaner Micelli and ex-call-up/new-signee Brandon Pancerny to spark the team back into the game, and that they did. They kept the pressure up in the offensive zone, threw the puck at the net and Pancerny was Jonny-on-the-spot and pounced on the rebound and banged it in the back of the open cage.

Brandon Pancerny was named the Player
of the Game for his 2 point performance.

The Bonos responded with two more bullshit goals to open up a 3-1 lead. The team’s second goal was another seeing-eye shot from the point that somehow managed to tingle some twine behind a hopeless JT. They then extended their lead to 2 goals when a third point shot was going wide, but hit a hard-working Eric Bauer in front of the net and ricocheted into the open net. WWGRD needed another spark, and it came in the form of the Macedonian-Menace, Alex All-Swedish-No-Finnish-Chinstrap-Djordjevski. The hard-working European bombarded the Bono defenceman holding the puck and stripped it clean off his stick, sending himself on a breakaway. In an attempt to shake his nickname from last year, No-Finnish made it look easy sliding it through the Bono tendy's five hole and clanking it off the bottom-back bar. The WWGRD bench erupted as the team had new life.

The TSN Turning Point of the game again occurred at the blueline in the WWGRD defensive zone. The '89 muckers Mark Micelli and Ryan Bouttete pressured one of the Bono defenders and caused him to turn the puck over. When Bouttete went to flip the puck up the ice to a streaking Micelli and send him in clean, the Bonos were once again helped by the vast amount of horseshoes jammed up their asses, as the puck deflected off the defenders stick and stayed in the zone. The defender then made a couple moves, got in alone on the WWGRD tendy and made a move passed the desperate tendy to restore the two goal lead. Just like that, what could have been a 3-3 game was now a 4-2 game.

The Boners added another goal to make it a 5-2 game, and WWGRD frustration started to show. An irritated Sheldon Tracey took a solid shot at a Bono player as they were skating to the corner for the puck and sent the plug tumbling into the boards. He then proceeded to challenge all four of the other Bonos that charged him. This may have proven to spark the spirits of the hard-working WWGRD. Intense forechecking by the elder Micelli and the fresh-faced Pancerny lead to a take-away in the Bono zone, right in front of their own net. Pancerny calmly and collectedly slid a pass over to #11 who pumped it home to give the boys some hope. However this would prove to be too little, too late, as WWGRD would fall 5-3.

"I thought the team fought hard tonight," Pancerny said after the game, "unfortunately we couldn't get the win. We have another game Thursday and we're gunna have to come out hard if we wanna avoid going 0-2 to start the year." When asked what he thought of his UWIHL debut, Matt McNasty McNaughton said, "It was fast." When asked if he could add anything else, all he said was "fast."

Tickets are already sold out for Thursday’s much-anticipated rematch against those Warrior fuckers that knocked WWGRD out of the playoffs last year, but some Standing Room Only tickets are still available. Doors open at 9:30, puck drop is slated for 11:03.